The story of my life has always been difficult for me to tell.
Like so many, the early part of my life was marked by large doses of ugliness, violence, and terror, leaving a child like me marred and scarred by trauma, depression, and crippling loneliness.
I love my mother. I love my father. I love every one of my siblings. Each person in my family is a good-hearted human with loving intentions. We are all flawed, and we are all doing our best. I have deep empathy and compassion for the experiences those I love have endured that have influenced their choices. I know that it was never anyone’s intention to cause a sensitive little girl so much pain. And I cannot judge, knowing that in my pain, I too have caused others to hurt.
And yet, I must share my story.
For far too long, I have allowed the fear of hurting those I love to cripple my purpose. I have written and deleted and written and deleted for fear of unintentionally causing heartache to someone I love. What if I hurt their feelings? What if I burn a bridge? What if I lose my family?
In her book, Bird by Bird, Anne Lamott offered a welcome perspective.
“You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better.”
I strive to live my life responding to intention over behavior in everyone around me. I must offer the same grace to myself.
My intention is to help. My intention is to inspire. My intention is to share with the world the real and the raw, in an offering of hope and healing. My desire is to provide to you, my reader, a renewed sense of strength and motivation to keep pushing forward on your own journey toward healing.
If the Trees have taught me anything, it is that only through struggle can we find our strength. Each time the wind blows, the Tree is strengthened permanently. And so it is with us. There is no growth without discomfort. In fact, discomfort is the ONLY mechanism for growth! So, we must be grateful for the discomfort!
I have learned that every dark or difficult experience in my life is a tunnel. There is no way around, only through. When I am in the tunnel, it is dark. Scared, vulnerable, and alone, I travel. It is only after I have fought like hell to make it through the tunnel that I am able to see the light. The light is the lesson. The value. The resultant fortification– the Tree made more stable, only through enduring the storm.
I am deeply and profoundly grateful for every single moment of trauma and heartache that led me to this moment. There is no anger. There is no malice. Every hurdle has brought me closer to finding my true self and stepping into my power. If there had been one different turn, one obstacle missed, one altered decision, one fewer trauma, it is likely I would not be sitting right here, right now, walking in my purpose and living a wild and glorious life full of joy and deep fulfillment.
So, I am grateful, for all of it.
